Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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