i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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