it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
