Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
