bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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