Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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