Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
