Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
