I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
