so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
