just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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