I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
