I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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