the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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