He disabled his match.com account in front of me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
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I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
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I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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