i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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