Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
