The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
