I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
