i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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