a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
