ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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