i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
