just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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