somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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