Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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