"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
