you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
