i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just found puke in my bra..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
