You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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