we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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