i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
