I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
