Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
