I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
