what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
