dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
