Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Don't tell me you're on acid again
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
