I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
