is your mom at the bar?
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
