Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
