I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.