omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
