my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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