Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
