Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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