I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
