You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
