he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
