Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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