i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
