the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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