So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
