God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
