omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Even the bartender felt bad for me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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