I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
