I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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