He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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