That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
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I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
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Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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