my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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