are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
