i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
