plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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