3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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