We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
